Birth Trauma

Giving birth was supposed to be a beautiful experience…

But it left you wounded in more ways than one.

People always ask how everything went, and all you can muster is, “Fine.” You’re just glad she’s here and healthy.

It would be liberating to tell someone your birth story, but you can’t think about it without crying.

So, you don’t.

Instead, you push the memories so deep that you can barely remember them.

You do your best to enjoy time with your kiddo… not reflecting on how awful the process was of getting her here.

Until…

You find yourself staring at a positive pregnancy test.

Excitement fills every fiber of your being!

But then, it leaves as quickly as it came.

Birth…

All those memories you have pushed down come flooding back up to the surface with a vengeance.

Panic sets in.

“I have to do that again?! I CAN’T do that again. But I’ve been wanting another baby. How am I going to do this again??!!”

You let yourself remember bits and pieces of the first birth. The rush of anxiety brings you to your knees, and tears begin to fall. You suppress the memories once again.

There is so much you wish you could have changed – so many “what ifs” and “if onlys.” None of it’s your fault, but you can’t help but feel like you’re spiraling.